When did my academic flair disappear?
It flew away some time ago and has been far-gone since.
I try so hard but it’s not ever just right
To find the answer to the question asked.
I can’t go back,
The road behind crumbled underfoot
I must move forward
Wishing I could be more like you
‘cos you’re the geek I’m not
The intelligent, the creative smart, the lot.
The fangirl, the game-obsessed, the techno nerd
The one that inspires me.
One of a generation searching for a higher degree
Seeking recognition for effort made
A higher mark, is that too much to ask?
Following on from countless other
Questions causing pointless worry
Never an answer found
Each day until the exam never seems to last.
Praying each day for a pass
Though I doubt myself in everything I do
An attempt for a B or C
Will never prove reward due.
Maybe one day
Thoughts will reconcile
Inside my head
I will look back at every mile
And see that it’s not always a measure of perfection
It’s failures that make it
It’s more real than an A that can never be reality.
My writing, my disguise Illusion, page on which to improvise
My pen name, my mask
Ink flowing on paper
To comprise, words on words so lyrical
A stage to dramatise
I must keep trying to believe
One day I’ll be the honourable graduate
I see in my dreams
It’s no use striving for perfection
That cannot be reached
My work reflects my effort, which mirrors me.
Knowing now what I can see
I just want my inner ‘geek’ to be free
The question I want answered:
Is being me, in this world enough to please?
Words by Freya Fogliani